Love this Mrs. Dash. The bitch can make spices....Jesus, Joni, it's a joke. I was making a joke! Mrs. Dash isn't even real!

Submitted by heydemo on Sat, 07/17/2010 - 17:05

(On finishing last in the 50-yard dash): "It kinda looked like you were being attacked by a bunch of bees or something. Then when I saw the fat kid with the watch who was timing you start laughing... it's never a good sign when a fat kid laughs at you.

Submitted by heydemo on Sat, 07/17/2010 - 17:02

There is something to be said for sitting around drinking a beer while you watch your dog try to fuck a punching bag.

Submitted by heydemo on Sat, 07/17/2010 - 16:59

Do people your age know how to comb their hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their head and started fucking.

Submitted by heydemo on Sat, 07/17/2010 - 16:52

Snausages?’ I’ve been eating dog treats? Fuck it, they’re delicious. I will not be shamed by this

Submitted by heydemo on Sat, 07/17/2010 - 16:50

Goddamn it, I just sat on your goddamned truck guy…. Optimus Prime? I don't give a shit what it's called, keep it away from where I like to put my ass

Submitted by heydemo on Sat, 07/17/2010 - 16:47

Listen up, if someone is being nice to you, and you don't know who they are, run away. No one is nice to you just to be nice to you, and if they are, well, they can go take their pleasant ass somewhere else.

Submitted by heydemo on Sat, 07/17/2010 - 16:44

I don't give a shit how it happened, the window is broken... Wait, why is there syrup everywhere? Okay, you know what? Now I give a shit how it happened. Let's hear it

Submitted by heydemo on Sat, 07/17/2010 - 16:42

"You thought it was hard? If kindergarten is busting your ass, I got some bad news for you about the rest of life."

Submitted by heydemo on Sat, 07/17/2010 - 16:37

The worst thing you can be is a liar....Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two.

Submitted by heydemo on Sat, 07/17/2010 - 16:18
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